There are points in life where people look at you and think you have made it.
They see the title, the status,
the big name you carry,
But sometimes,
you just wish the phone would ring for once,
Not for a favor, not for a rescue,
But just for someone to genuinely ask if you are okay.
You are so tired of being the breadwinner,
Not just financially, but physically,
emotionally, and mentally too.
Holding up the weight of everyone else’s world
While your own foundation is quietly turning to dust.
You question your entire existence,
wondering if anyone actually sees you,
Or if they only see what you can provide.
No calls. No texts. No gifts.
Just hands reached out,
waiting to take what you have,
Wanting to be associated with your achievements,
but never your pain.
You wish the sacrifices you poured out for others would be returned,
Just a fraction of the love you gave,
mirrored back to you, But nothing happens.
And the silence begins to burn.
You become frustrated.
You doubt every single thing you do.
The claps are rare.
The applause is almost non-existent.
And if they do celebrate you,
It’s a passing line when you meet:
“We are so proud of you,” spoken like a script,
Devoid of warmth.
You fall to your knees and pray,
but the heavens feel suddenly silent,
Like the prayers are bouncing off a brass ceiling.
You wish for a miracle,
but the horizon stays completely dark.
You try calling friends,
but the line cuts both ways.
Because you were too overwhelmed to pick up their calls before,
They have grown busy with their own lives now.
Everything is at a standstill,
refusing to work,
Except for the bad things,
which seem to come all at once.
You find yourself sitting up in the middle of the night,
Whispering questions to the shadows that no one can answer.
You are in a season where you can’t tell a soul what you’re going through,
Because no one seems to have a solution,
And the world is always so quick to point a finger and blame.
“If you hadn’t done this, that wouldn’t have happened.”
Just endless stories,
Endless lectures, endless judgment.
You don’t know what to do.
You don’t know where to start.
Who do you even call for help when the people who used to be there
Opted out because you couldn’t find the strength to reciprocate?
You are trapped in a brutal series of pain,
of trials, of constant questioning,
With absolutely no idea when it will end,
Or if it will even end well.
Your world feels completely frozen, paralyzed in time.
You try to encourage yourself,
You try to put yourself back out there,
But the loudest voice in the room is your own self-condemnation.
You find yourself picking apart every single mistake you’ve ever made,
Overshadowing the good things until everything is just broken pieces.
It is so exhausting to pretend you are okay,
To wear the mask of the strong one, the successful one,
When inside you are confused, shattered,
And feeling like giving up might be the only option left.
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Happiest Powerful Discovery about self by walking shadow
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