“When They Only Call You When They Need You, That’s Not Love.”

I used to think that giving was love.
That showing up for everyone,
Even when I was barely standing,
Was a badge of honor.

At first, it felt good.
They smiled.
They called me reliable, dependable, selfless.
And yes, I believed them.

But as time went on,
I started noticing things,
Subtle at first, but then loud enough to hurt.
Like how my calls were ignored,
But I always answered theirs.
Or how my heart was an open book,
But they barely gave me a page.

Still, I kept giving.
Because I thought that’s what good people do.
Because I thought eventually, they’ll give back.
Because I thought maybe I don’t need as much as they do.

But gradually,
My energy was drained.
My joy became quiet.
And the version of me that used to laugh out loud
Was being replaced, slowly but surely, by silence.

You see, the world often tells givers,
“Don’t stop being kind. Keep giving. Keep loving.”
But they forget to say,
“Just don’t forget yourself in the process.”

So I gave more.
Even when I was tired.
Even when I had nothing left.
Even when my kindness was mistaken for weakness,
And my boundaries were seen as threats.

Eventually, I broke.
Not in one dramatic fall,
But in small moments I didn’t talk about.
Like when I cried in the shower
So no one would hear me.
Or when I smiled in public
But fell apart at night.

And that’s when it hit me.

I wasn’t being kind.
I was being consumed.
Used.
Emptied.

Because a giver without boundaries
Is like a candle burning at both ends,
It glows, yes.
But it dies faster too.

So, little by little, I changed.
At first, it felt wrong.
Saying “no” made me anxious.
Putting myself first felt selfish.
But over time, it started feeling right.

Now?
I still give,
But not at the cost of my peace.
I still love,
But not at the expense of my worth.
I still care deeply,
But not so deeply that I forget who I am.

It’s not that I’ve become colder,
It’s that I’ve learned how to protect my fire.
It’s not that I’ve stopped loving,
It’s that I now love myself too.

Because I’ve realized…
Not everyone deserves full access.
Not every request needs a yes.
And not every relationship is meant to stay.

Now, I check my energy like a bank balance.
If it’s low, I don’t overdraft myself for anyone.
Because being good to others
Shouldn’t mean being bad to me.

So if you’ve been the giver too,
The one who’s always available,
Always showing up,
Always holding space for others,

Please hear this:

You are not wrong for needing rest.
You are not weak for asking to be seen.
And you are not selfish for putting yourself first.

Because real love, real friendship, real connection,
It flows both ways.
And you deserve that.

Always.

No More Pouring from an Empty Cup BY WALKING SHADOW POETRY

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